


The Madwoman at the End of the Hall

by speccygeekgrrl



Series: MST3K Alternate Universes [5]
Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, Jonah is exhausted, Kinga is a nightmare, Max just wants to get one good night's sleep why did he agree to be an RA this is the WORST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 02:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12002745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: Max knows he had a good reason for becoming an RA, but the students on his floor very swiftly make him regret that decision. Especially his first-year nightmare child, Kinga.





	The Madwoman at the End of the Hall

**Author's Note:**

> Sylabub asked for college AU! Wow it's weird to write something that isn't even lowkey shippy.

Max was sure that he'd had good reasons for becoming an RA. He just couldn't remember what they were when the residents on his floor enjoyed making his life a living hell. In the month since students had moved in, of the thirty students on his floor, he'd had to cite five of them for smoking weed in their rooms ("Just go outside while the weather is nice," he'd sighed), three of them for having sex in the shower in the very not-lockable bathrooms (technically it was two sets of two people, but one of them hadn't been a student), the whole building had to be evacuated twice for tripping the fire alarm (once because some idiot tried to microwave a bag of chips, once when someone set her roommate's backpack on fire), and he'd found two illicit pets (which he really wished he could look the other way about, but the ferret was already making that whole end of the hall stink, and he found out about the snake because it escaped into his bedroom). 

In fact, of the thirty students he was responsible for, there was only one who seemed apologetic about any of it, and he wasn't even causing the problems. No, the only one who apologized when he called Max with an issue was Jonah Heston, and Max appreciated that he apologized because Jonah called Max no less than three times a week, usually after 10pm, always for the same reason: the girl in the room next to him had no earthly idea how to behave in a dormitory.

It would be dramatic of him to say that Kinga Forrester was the bane of his existence, but Max was about ready to say it anyways. The redheaded first-year girl had a single room at the end of the hall and acted like she was at home, playing her music at all hours of the night just loud enough to annoy the room next to her, weird but not illegal smells coming from her room at random intervals, sounds that were either really enthusiastic sex or just her jumping on the bed but only after midnight, a whole laundry list of bad behavior that she refused to acknowledge when Max inevitably had to confront her multiple times a week. Honestly, he would have stopped confronting her after the third time she answered her door in nothing more than a tank top and hipster panties, except he was absolutely certain she was just doing it to make him uncomfortable and he couldn't back down.

His room was at the intersection on the opposite end of the building from the problem child, and he was already getting sick of walking down that central hallway in the wee hours of the morning to have another awkward and unproductive conversation. So _of course_ at two a.m. on a day he had a test in the morning, he dragged himself out of bed to answer a knock on the door to find a very sheepish-looking Jonah standing in the hall.

"I'm really sorry about this," he said, and Max rolled his eyes and sighed.

"What's she doing this time?"

"The music again, and there's... smoke coming out from under her door? I don't know what kind of smoke, it's not weed but I don't know what it is. And I think she's literally hammering on the wall, it sounds like she's putting up pictures, I'm not sure."

"Ugh," Max said eloquently, and lifted a finger for Jonah to give him a moment while he dug his slippers out from under his bed and rubbed his eyes until he felt awake enough to deal with this. 

"How many times do you have to talk to her before you can write her up for it?" Jonah asked. Max looked up at him and shook his head.

"She's not doing anything explicitly disallowed most of the time," he said. "People are allowed to be assholes, unfortunately."

"I just want a good night's sleep," Jonah said. Max gave him an unamused look.

"You and me both." Jonah had the grace to look sheepish about it, at least, and he followed Max through the halls and back to the end of his hallway. He lingered outside his door, and Max frowned at him. "What? I'll handle it."

"Maybe I should talk to her too," Jonah said. "Maybe she'll listen this time if you're there."

"Oh, you're an optimist," Max said, and walked past him to rap his knuckles on Kinga's door. Jonah hadn't been kidding about the smoke-- there was a pale, odorless mist wafting under the doorway, making that end of the hall hazy. The boisterous dance music went from loud to barely audible, there was a clatter, a thud, and a grunt of effort from behind the door, and Kinga opened it just a crack, one green eye looking suspiciously out. "Miss Forrester," Max said. "Do you know why I'm here?"

"I'm allowed to have a fog machine," she said quickly, and Max put his hand on the doorknob and tried to push it open. She kept it where it was with her foot. 

"You aren't, actually," Max said. "Open the door, Kinga."

"No," she said, and slammed it shut. Max groaned and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Okay, it was going to be one of those nights. He knocked again.

"You have to talk to me," he said.

"Not with the big oaf behind you," she said. Jonah made an offended sound.

"You can't keep victimizing Jonah, you know."

"Victimizing! Please!"

"Open the door," Max said again, and she flung it open all at once. The fog that filled her room billowed out past her, and she put her hands on her hips and glared at the both of them.

" _What._ " 

"Please put some pants on," Max said.

"No. This is my room and my room is a no pants zone."

"You're a basket case," Jonah said, and she smirked at him.

"Am I crazy? Or am I crazy like a fox?"

"You're crazy," he said. She shrugged and turned her attention back to Max.

"Okay. Here I am. Open door. Reprimand me so I can tell you to go away."

"Why do you do this?" Max asked, already exhausted. "Seriously, what do you gain by dragging me out of bed every other night to yell at you? When do you sleep?"

"I don't sleep," she said. "I'm powered by tiny rage. Sleep is for the weak."

"Absolutely looney tunes," Jonah said. Max turned around and glared up at him.

"Not helping, Heston."

"She makes my life miserable, I can heckle her!"

"Oh my god, what sins did I commit in a past life to be stuck between the two of you in this inane battle?"

"You don't have to be between us," Kinga said. "You can butt the fuck out and leave me to drive this gigantic lunk out of his mind."

"Okay, _no_ ," Max said. "What? No. You need to stop." He leaned through the open door and looked around her room in the second he got before she bodily shoved him back. "What the hell is _that_?"

"Emotional support animal," she said.

"Is it an animal? That's not an animal I've ever seen before. What is it?"

"It's... sortofacat," she said quickly.

"I'm sorry, did you say it's _sort of_ a cat?"

"Maybe."

"You're not registered for any sort of emotional support animal, and _sort of a cat_ doesn't qualify anyways."

"This is against my civil rights," she said, and Max took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I've seen enough tonight to get you suspended," he said, and she glared at him. "Don't even look at me like that. I don't like writing people up, okay? But you've shown no remorse for being a gigantic asshole on a very regular basis."

"What if I promise to clean up my act?"

"Yeah right," Jonah said, and she aimed her glare up at him instead.

"Shut up, Heston."

"No! I don't have to sit here and take this. I'm not even asking you to do anything a reasonable human being wouldn't already be doing."

"I'm not a reasonable human being," she said, and both of them snorted.

"No kidding," Jonah said. "You're a nightmare."

"I'm your worst nightmare," she growled, and Max rolled his eyes.

"Okay! Whatever bizarre supervillain/protagonist relationship you guys are setting up that will haunt you for the rest of your natural lives... I'm done putting up with it. Kinga... you have 12 hours to get rid of the fog machine, the sort-of-cat, and whatever else you don't want to be found when I have campus safety search your room. If you want to be expelled, that's your call. If you want a second chance, great, but you're only getting one."

"What about him?" Kinga said, pointing at Jonah. Max turned to look at Jonah, who looked absolutely baffled.

"What _about_ him?" Max asked.

"He's a jerk too!"

" _Excuse me_?" Jonah sounded shocked. "What did I _ever_ do to you?"

"You stare at me," she said, and Jonah lifted both hands in bafflement.

"You're not wearing pants! And you walk down the hall to the bathroom like this! I'm not the only person who stares at you, but you're inviting it!"

"That's rape culture," she said, pointing at him, and Max made a hopeless sound and dropped his head into his hands.

"I can't take this any more," he groaned. "I can't. I have a test in seven hours, I can't deal with this tonight. Just... go to bed, please. Turn off your music, no more fog machine..."

"I need the fog machine for my emotional support animal," she said. "He comes from a foggy environment."

"Did you disconnect your smoke detector?"

"...maybe."

"Campus safety is going to have a hell of a time when they come visit you," Max said. "And I'm tempted to stand in the hall and watch all the weird shit they carry out. But right now... _please_ , for the love of all that's good in the world, _go to bed_."

"Yeah, fine," she said, stepped back, and slammed the door about an inch short of Max's face. He sighed and thunked his head against the wood, then turned to look up at Jonah.

"Go to bed."

"Yeah, no problem. Sorry about this."

"Not as sorry as she's going to be." At least when Jonah closed the door behind him, he did it softly. Max took a long, weary look at the last two doors on the hallway, then trudged back across the floor to collapse back in his own bed. _Please let me sleep_ , he thought, but the sky was already beginning to lighten before unconsciousness claimed him.


End file.
